Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
