I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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