Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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