Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Two words: blizzard sex
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
