i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
