i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
