You work out of a Hotel?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
