I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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