So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
