My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
