Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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