You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
