69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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