I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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