I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
