can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
