According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
