He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize