the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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