All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
