I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
