I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
