We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize