So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
