did you get engaged???
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
