Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
