were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
