everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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