Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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