when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
