i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
