If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
