I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so let's talk penis.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
