maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
did i walk over a car last night?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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