Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
