I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
