I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
