it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
