I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
