dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
