Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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