you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
