this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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