Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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