shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
