I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
