i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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