3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
