Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
