Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
