Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
