Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
