i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize