Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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