She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize