sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
