ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize