Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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