Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is Oprah even human
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
