Kiss
Puke
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
