dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
