Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
