The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
