Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
