he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize