I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
