ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
