i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
