Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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