You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
