What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
