Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
