the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
