Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
