i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
