I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize