Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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