You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
4 words: hood of his car
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
