We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
