Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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