She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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