he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
