He kissed a someone with a penis
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you had me at cake vodka
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I fill condoms, not promises.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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