I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
