he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize