hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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