god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize