**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
