I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
